by Lauren Bernier

The internet is ginormous. Type just about anything into a search engine and, generally, the search comes back with results in the thousands. This is not always a good thing. Though it’s fantastic to find eighteen sites dedicated to Maya Angelou, and fourty sites pertaining to stopping car pollution, it’s rather disheartening to find two hundred sites (this is an under-estimate, kids) prominently featuring ‘barely legal lesbians’. Couldn’t they just conglomerate? Save some internet space for the other porn genres, guys, partner up. Suffice to say, I’ve been pondering the vast and wonderful world wide web as of late and I’ve had a few things weighing heavy on my mind.

Is there some kind of ultimate irony in on-line distros posting buttons and shirts that condascendingly tell you to ‘Get off the internet’?

Does Brad Fitzgerald have nightmares about the monster he’s created?

Does your cat really need a journal/MySpace/blog?

I’m all for the porn...but is it too much to ask that some of it actually be good?

Seriously, I know you crave comments but could you stop posting emo crap-web-cam close-ups of you in slightly varying positions? At least take off your shirt or something if you’re going to be such a huge whore.

And lastly, political blogs. They’re popping up all over the place but what we really need is for these amazing, oh-so-witty and intelligent people to start running for office. Quit griping and protesting and start getting in the ring. You’ve got such great ideas, and lots of people agree with you, so why not actually do something useful?

I know I’d vote for you.

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